You marry at the level of your self-esteem. – Marie Osmond
It is not uncommon for single women to be told they need to lower their expectations or standards in order to meet an eligible man. Women are told they must be more realistic. However, I have found often the greater danger is many women are willing to settle for much less than they deserve.
Recently a friend of mine told me she once had a big, long list of what she hoped for in a man, but now had decided that a suitable man would only need to have two qualifications. He would need to be employed and breathing. We had a good laugh, but in reality it was a little depressing to hear this from my very accomplished and beautiful friend.
In her book “Women and Money” financial Guru Suze Orman passionately tells women: “Don’t Put Yourself On Sale”.
She is speaking about women putting themselves “on sale” in their professional or financial lives. Yet how might you do this in relationships?
Here are a just a few examples:
* Not placing a high enough value upon yourself.
* Not having strong boundaries about what is and is not acceptable.
* Not expressing your true feelings.
* Not asking for what you want and need.
* Not being able to receive compliments, kindnesses or gifts from others.
* Being too focused on meeting others needs.
* Allowing someone to speak to you in a hurtful or disrespectful way.
* Discounting your own needs or feelings.
* Not letting someone know when they have hurt you.
* Withholding your preferences.
* Not making time to nurture yourself.
* Sacrificing what you really want or need.
* Settling for less than you deserve.
* Thinking that a sub-optimal relationship is the best you can hope for.
* Dropping everything to be available to a man.
* Being the pursuer or doing all the work in a relationship.
* Staying in a relationship that leaves you feeling depleted, insecure or frequently disappointed.
* Feeling like you are struggling to justify or explain the actions of your partner in order to convince yourself to stay in a relationship.
* Not knowing when to walk away from a sub-optimal or painful relationship.
* Not believing you deserve to be loved and cherished by someone wonderful.
Now, I realize compromise and giving are also a part of any relationship. However, many women are willing to give to the point that it can actually be harmful to them and deplete them of their natural feminine attributes.
It is important in a relationship with a man for a woman to be in a receptive place a good portion of the time. Men like to please the women they care about and adore women who can enjoy and appreciate their “gifts”.